We All Married Idiots – A Book

Elaine is a friend of mine, so I went to her website: “Splashes of Serenity” and found this YouTube presentation. I really enjoyed the wisdom from her and her husband! Laughter and insights and shared emotions, I’m grateful I took the time to watch and listen to it. I felt uplifted. God bless your day!

We All Married Idiots - "For Better or For Worse" Episode 3 - May 8th, 2022



We All Married Idiots – “For Better or For Worse” Episode 3 – May 8th, 2022

Dan and Elaine Miller join Pastor Dave for a conversation about marriag

Strong Marriages

                   If a person wants to strengthen their marriage, they can work on the areas that God speaks about, and authors then wrote about. In Ephesians 5, Christians are told to walk in love right at the start of the chapter. In (Ephesians 5:22-33, NKJV), the Apostle Paul, being led by the inspiration of the Spirit of God writes:

Eph 5:22  Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 

Eph 5:23  For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 

Eph 5:24  Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 

Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 

Eph 5:26  that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 

Eph 5:27  that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 

Eph 5:28  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 

Eph 5:29  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 

Eph 5:30  For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 


Eph 5:32  This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 

Eph 5:33  Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”



I have a friend that got frustrated with her husband because he didn’t do the things she wanted him to do in the way she wanted him to do them. I can understand that. I remember asking a ladies’ group leader why my husband wouldn’t listen to me when I had good advice to give him. Somehow, I got the idea that I was being prideful, so I repented to the Lord. I tried not to take it personally when he went in a direction that was contrary to my leading. How many times did he give me perfectly good guidance and I went my own way? Then, a year or two later I’d tell him something I read in a book that solved a problem I was wrestling with, and he’d quietly tell me that he advised me the same way a year ago, or five months ago, etc. Lots of times. I’m so glad he’s a patient man that doesn’t hold grudges!

                   My friend spoke to her mentor, an older lady that she admired regarding faith and wisdom. When my friend asked how she could change her husband, she said, “Do you do the same thing you want your husband to stop doing?”

                   My friend got thinking. Yes, I’ve been known to do the same thing. But, I don’t want to hear about me. I want her to tell me what to do about him.

                   Her mentor said, “I want you to ignore the fact that he struggles in this area. I want you to work on this struggle in your own life. I want you to think about how blessed he’s going to be when you take care of your own responsibility in this same situation.”

                   So, she went after it with gusto. When her husband came home from work, he could sense things were different. They got talking and she told him she’d been applying herself to get rid of a habit that stressed him out. Then she invited him to see the changes she’d made. He smiled like a Cheshire cat. They had a great evening. She didn’t nag him once.

                   About three days later, she noticed he, too started working on the issue they shared. She called her mentor and thanked her for the valuable advice. My friend said that happened years ago. Now, if she goes out of her way to be nice to him, he says, “What did I do now?”

                   “Nothing,” she says with a grin.

She means it, she just felt like blessing him. They get a good laugh about it now.


                  To get back to our conversation, I can’t say that I’ve stopped giving my husband advice. Now, I try to ask him questions. If he says, “I know you want to tell me how to handle this situation. This is what I want to do about it,” I listen.

                   Oftentimes, I’ll tell him that’s a great idea, and then I’m relieved he’s thinking about it. If I disagree, I’ll ask him if I can tell him some thoughts I have about the subject. If he’s tired, I don’t even think about bringing anything up. If he’s had a really stressful day, I don’t discuss anything that might start an argument. If we’re not communicating, I’ll wait a while, for me it may be only five minutes. Then, I say, “I’m trying to understand how you’re processing this.”

                   Then he may say, “I don’t have an opinion right now. I’ll get back to you when I’ve had time to consider the options.”

 So, then I’ll back off. The other day, something medical came up. I tried to approach in a way that wasn’t harsh. I wanted to know why he didn’t go to the doctor sooner. I have been known to ask him to get his name on a cancellation list, so he can get in earlier, but he always says “no, I don’t want to bother people.”

 Plus, he doesn’t like to talk on the phone. He doesn’t want to be treated like a son by his wife. So, I don’t offer to call. I may tell him I was tempted to call, and then he just looks at me. Message received. After all these years, I know my husband. Sometimes, it may be tempting not to even talk to him, because I know what he’s going to say. I care for him too much to do that. So, I’ll force myself to open up. Once in a while, he surprises me. When two people follow Jesus, who likes change, and works on our character, I’ll see that I didn’t know what my husband’s response was going to be.

So, about this medical event. He’s finally going to see a plastic surgeon in the morning to have a small area of a skin cancer removed. It was teeny, tiny in July. I mentioned that it wasn’t good that the spot wasn’t healing, back in the summer. Then I let it go. His body is his body. Even though we are one flesh. Over the last two months it has gotten my attention. His, too. So now he’s going. We both know it’s going to be painful. When I asked him why he waited, I’m just trying to understand, he said he didn’t really understand himself, so how could he explain it to me.

Enough said, right?

He doesn’t really like me writing about him, but he gave me his permission a while ago to bring him up if I felt a need to. How can I write about marriage if I don’t mention my husband?

Now, I’m asking people in our church to come out once a month for some kind of marriage get together. A dish to pass, a small teaching, fellowship with other couples. I’m hoping it’ll bless marriages. I believe families are under attack. God made the family unit because it’s not only good for the people involved, but it’s good for society. I think we’ll have fun, too and God likes healthy fun. In Proverbs it tells us that laughter works like medicine. Yay!

May God bless you!

We Never Fight! Really?

My husband and I got married many years ago. Sometimes, I’ll hear couples say, “We never fight.”

I always wonder about that statement. Do they avoid areas where they might disagree? Is one partner so compliant they never voice their opinion? Are they afraid to hear what the other might say?

After all these years, at times I know what my husband is going to say, so it might be tempting to speak for him.

Old Couple, Old, Senior, Couple, Happy
(This photo is from https://pixabay.com/images/search/old%20couple/. The lady looks a bit like my mother-in-law.)

Which I’ve done, but I decided quickly to cut it out. That’s a surefire way to stifle communication.

Before we got married, the man set to perform the ceremony said we’d need pre-marital counseling sessions with him.

Fall, Wood, Tree, People, Outdoors, Park
(This photo is also from https://pixabay.com/images/search/old%20couple/.)

I remember the advice, “Don’t hit below the belt.” In other words, be kind.

Also, “Stay on the topic you’re fighting about. Don’t drag up offenses from months or years ago, which fuels the fire.”

The Bible says to not let the sun go down on your wrath. Get things resolved.

The Bible also says to speak the truth in love. If something is bothering me and my husband comes home looking tired and he tells me he’s had a rough day, I wait for a better time to bring up a complaint. I try not to blame.

We talk things out, respecting each other.

If we have an argument, we don’t pout for days. We don’t punish the other person for speaking up. We discuss things. If an apology is needed, we say we’re sorry. We try to stop doing what’s disturbing the other spouse. We’re not perfect!

We offer grace when the other person is struggling with something that is hard to live with, within limits. If something is dangerous, demeaning, illegal, immoral it’s not allowed in our family. Each of us has the right and responsibility to say, “No. This is a safe place for us and our guests.”

We agree. That’s why we are still married after all these years. We don’t fight as often as we used to, and neither of us like to get into disagreements.

Sometimes, it’s unavoidable and pandemics don’t help. We talk, we say we’re sorry for our part in it, we hug and we move on.

May God bless you!

Busy Days with More to Come

I prayed to God for some income from writing because the manuscripts I submitted this year received no replies from editors. Praying, living life, waiting and then a phone call from a client I worked for maybe four years ago.

The project is back on again just when a person I’m close to delivers a baby. I want to go there when I can! Then, my granddaughter decides to get married within a month, yay! And I’m having opportunities to do ministry that blesses me, big time.

I spoke to my husband at lunch this week. He continually learns and then puts into practice time management techniques using Trello and Google calendar and Getting Things Done by David Allen and some aspects from Michael Hyatt since I own Full Focus Planners. He watches Michael Hyatt on YouTube along with instructors on Trello and for other electronic planning systems. Then, my husband plans action steps and does the work to manage his projects.

I’ve begun the Getting Things Done strategy. In response to my question at the restaurant, he said, “Just do a little at a time.” I soaked that in.

I’ve noticed as I get things done, he encourages me. Also, he challenges me, “is that the most efficient use of your time?”

Sometimes I want to hear it and sometimes I don’t. So, after many years of marriage, I’ll say thanks and rethink what I’m doing, or I’ll say, “I need a break and that’s my top priority.”

He takes time to rest and maybe he thinks I’m chilling when I’m not. I may be thinking of an outline or praying for someone or daydreaming.

How are you doing? Is your life full of surprises and necessary activities, or are you in a quiet place forced to be still and alone like I was last Fall?

I plan on going on a missions’ trip later this year. My husband and I drove South to see family and take time to visit instead of going sightseeing. I don’t think we’ve ever done that before.

We talked and listened and soaked up the sun and saw our grandson play soccer. We visited my grandson’s friend’s church and thoroughly enjoyed the sermon.

That time gave me the boost for these hectic weeks with more to come. And now, I’m going to read the Bible, fold and put away laundry and go to bed.

May God bless you!

Thinking About Marriage


Proverbs 18:22 grabbed my attention tonight because I wanted to write about marriage. In the NKJV it says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.”

Wedding Love Happy Couple Bride Groom Wed


As I read in Proverbs today, I kept seeing how difficult it is for people to live with a contentious woman, as found in Proverbs 21:9 and in Proverbs 21:19.

And in Proverbs 24:3 it tells us, “Through wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; By knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches.”

To me, a home filled with precious and pleasant riches is more than possessions. It’s love and camaraderie and years upon years of getting to know each other as well as having a place to rest and recover from stressful days.

It takes time and perseverance through sickness and boredom and not “feeling” love. It takes trying new things that don’t appeal to you because your spouse really enjoys them. Respect for each other helps a lot. These are a few ideas I pondered today.

May God bless you.


Finding Favor with God and Relatives



Dea Warford, an evangelist we know sent a message about “Ridiculous Favor” for Christians. Today as I read Proverbs 3:3-4, (NKJV), it stated, “Let not mercy and truth forsake you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart, And so find favor and high esteem In the sight of God and man.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

The heading of Proverbs 3 is “Guidance for the Young,” and there are gems about money and health and peace and delights and correction. We all need God’s favor to navigate calm and rough seas, no matter what age we’ve attained.

Proverbs continually stresses wisdom and tells us the fear of God gives wisdom and gives knowledge. The Bible gives insight for daily living.

Ephesians 5:15-17, (NKJV), says: “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

The following verses in Ephesians 5 show us what to do to please God and Ephesians 5: 22-31 instructs husbands and wives how to live together with love, submission, and respect.

Those three acts under God’s authority and with God’s help will cause marriages to thrive and families to prosper and feel secure. Ephesians 6 begins by teaching children and parents how to get along.

Talk about enabling favorable circumstances! We’re not perfect, but my husband and I have found them to be true.

May God bless you!

I Thought You Were Cleaning Today?

Colossians 3:23, (NKJV), “Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the LORD and not to men,” is my focus this week.


I’ve come to realize something that I didn’t easily embrace today. When you schedule cleaning and tell your spouse, when he needs to shop near the mall and that entails a nice long drive together and usually lunch at a restaurant, the cleaning overrides the outing.


When I asked if he could wait for me after Bible study and a quick oil change, his response-“I thought you were cleaning today.”


“Yes, I am.”

Image result for lady cleaning house pictureshttp://www.dreamhomecleaners.info/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Cleaning-Lady.png


I remember meeting people for a meal after a meeting and one of the attendees, an organized gal, didn’t show up. I kept watching the door for her and finally she arrived just in time to place her order before the waitress left. “Where were you?” I asked.


“My car got filthy so I ran it through the car wash.”


I remember being surprised. She lives in a rural area with the nearest car wash twenty minutes away. Her house sets back from an unfinished road that gets stones applied when the town gets around to it. So, I understood but at the time it wouldn’t have occurred to me to take advantage of the gap in time.


Other times, I’ve invited her to go places with only a little forewarning and she sticks to her agenda no matter how enticing the opportunity. She keeps the results of her plans in mind and carries through.


When my youngest sister asked me to go to a play with her, years ago, her treat, I’d hesitate. She’d get frustrated when I’d say, “I’m not sure if I can make it.
Back then, I didn’t have a planner. I was aware of responsibilities hanging over my head that she didn’t understand. She was single. I needed to consider my husband’s and my kids’ schedules as well as my own.


“Just make a decision!”


So, with no chance to check with others, I missed more than one off-Broadway plays with her.


I like getting more organized, but it’s a shift in thoughts and actions. I watch YouTube videos with organizing tips on them and one night I said, “Enough!”


I looked over at my husband and his eyes were glazed over, poor guy.


Monday morning, I asked him a question about one of the organizers’ suggestions and he said, “I don’t want to talk about it, just do what you’re going to do.”


Later, I gave him more details and he said, “Don’t paint during the cold weather season, you hate the smell of paint.”


I know that about paint fumes, I just thought if we closed the door and avoided the room for a while, it wouldn’t be too bad.


Timing in communication in marriage is everything some days. Proverbs 25:11, (KJV), says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”


I’m spending 15 minutes or more this week on one room that got messy and the organizer said to do it up nice as you de-clutter. That’s what got me thinking of painting one of the next rooms on my list. Every room has some clutter, but the one I’m working on got away from me. I plan to finish it by Saturday and the finishing touch will be to make curtains from fabric I bought in the past.


May God bless you!

Marriage Tips


I’ve noticed older couples with good marriages get along, for the most part, because they’ve hashed things out over the years. Either there’s been improvement or the other person decided it wasn’t important enough to argue about anymore.

As Christians, we’re told to love others as we love ourselves, so if we decide to do that, we’ll study our mate and try to do things we know that they really enjoy. I’ve done that here and there over the years, but lately I’m aware of some things that are not that difficult that I could have been doing and just didn’t, for whatever reason. I’m also more cognizant of nice things that my husband does for me and I’m trying to say thank you when I see it.

Plus, he changes over time, as I do, so the benefits of the new behaviors are a plus to our relationship. All of his life as an adult, he’s been in leadership and sometimes he just wants to do relaxing stuff. So, he started watching chefs and learned cooking techniques from programs available on television or online.

Image result for iron chef photos free

(photo from: https://www.scoopnest.com/s/Brooklyn%20Daddy%20Iron%20Chef/)

If I’m preparing a meal and feeling the crunch of time, I’ll ask him to dice the onions and he’ll show me a way that is safe with the sharp knife and he keeps the rooted end in place for ease of cutting. The next thing I know, he’s asking if I need anything else chopped or sliced. If he hated that kind of thing, I wouldn’t ask unless I felt absolutely desperate, and then he’d have the right to refuse.

I heard Focus on the Family yesterday on the radio. I caught the tail end of the program on marriage and they showcased the next day’s program with a quote. A lady said, “I started looking for the good things that he does.”


I hope I’ll take the chance to hear the program online, they both sounded good. I hope this finds you well. Do you have any marriage tips that you can share with a family-friendly audience?

May God bless you!

Millie Keith




Probably a month or more ago, I read the first book in the Life of Faith: Millie Keith Series, copyright 2001 entitled, Millie’s Unsettled Season. Kerston R. Hamilton updated them and added more Scripture to the originals which were written by Martha Finley in 1876, just 11 years after the Civil War ended in America.

Millie is thirteen years old in the second book, Millie’s Courageous Days which is also copyrighted in 2001, and is published by Mission City Press, Inc., Franklin, TN.

There’s a marriage in the book which prompts Millie to ask her father how one knows that they are in love. He tells her to let him think on it overnight and to pray for wisdom for such an important question.

The next day he talks about 1 Corinthians 13. On page 91 her dad says, “Being in love, the kind of love that will last a lifetime, starts right here, in 1 Corinthians 13:4. ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.’ If your feelings and your actions cannot stand up to these verses, then how could you be in love?”

In the book, one question led to another because as the heroine points out, these verses tell all Christians what love looks like. I’ve heard these Scriptures repeated at many marriages over the years. They are a target worth aiming for, and as we try to hit the mark we can’t help but reach a number of those worthwhile actions and attitudes. Some attributes I’ve struggled with and now, I can honestly say, I don’t have a problem with them by the grace of God. Others are still a work in progress.

I hope you are well this fine time of the year.

May God bless you!

A Favorite Chapter

Colossians 3:1-2

“Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.”
‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭NASB‬‬http://bible.com/100/col.3.1.nasb

“Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.”
‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:2‬ ‭NASB‬

This  chapter goes on to talk about family relationships, behavior, and work ethics.


I like to ponder what the opening verses mean. I always thought it said we were seated in heavenly places and that got me wondering. Now that I began to write about these verses, it says Christ is seated above, at the right hand of God. Now it makes sense to me.
My husband began a class on Wednesday nights, for beginners in the faith to go through the fundamentals of our beliefs based on the Bible. He offered the class for those who’d been believers in Jesus for many years as well. He comes home on Wednesday nights all revved up because of the participation and enthusiasm of the attendees.


I told him if he chooses to teach on how to study the Bible, I’d like to join them at that time. He went through Kay Arthur’s book: How to Study Your Bible: Discover the Life-Changing Approach to God’s Word some years ago. The book is published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR and copyrighted in 2013.


My husband pulls out colored pencils to highlight sections within different categories. Well, I can’t really explain it, I just watched him do it. He may teach on that, he said, but he thinks he gave his copy away. ‘We’ll have to order books after we see if people are interested.”

Sounds good to me.

I haven’t blogged since last Monday I think. Not yesterday, but eight days ago!


Unbelievable. I started to blog six days ago and got involved with family, so I put it off. Then I began to blog on my computer and it acted up. So, I started on my phone and it got late, so I put it off. Then last night I determined to blog and I got hit with nausea which caused me to slow down big time.

I told my husband of my dilemma. “You need to start earlier in your day.”
So, here I am before noon typing away instead of writing before midnight. Praise God. And my guy thinks I don’t listen to him. I wonder why he thinks that. 😊

May God bless you!